“Man disappointed to find thief did bizarre paint job to his car, even more disappointed to learn it also burst into flames”
I present to you the Shutter Island of car theft. You think you have one question answered, but then you realize that answer raises more questions. This guy Tony Kopler goes to work on Easter Sunday at a bar, an hour later his 1992 Buick has vanished. From here, things take a turn down Bat Shit Avenue. Three days go by, dude accepts his car is gone forever and then he gets a call. The car has been found…after a woman spotted it outside her job…engulfed in flames. That’s not the crazy part.
Tony goes down to check things out with the police. The Buick which had been Silver had been painted White. Completely White. The inside of the car had been painted White. Tony’s Baseball cap that was in the car had also been painted White. The woman said she saw the man (thought to be the thief) frantically saving things from the car, but he ran off when he heard sirens coming.
To start, Tony is probably pissed because deep down he knows even if they catch the guy he’ll just plead insanity and get off. Won’t be hard for him to prove, he stole a 1992 Buick, he’s fucking nuts. If he just painted the outside you could say he did it to conceal his crime, but he painted the interior too. Whoever he is, it’s clear the whole world is his canvas and he intends to paint the shit out of it. If I was a criminal profiler, I’d just walk away from this one. Possibilities are endless. Maybe he has Wet Bandits complex, they leave the sinks running, he paints the cars completely White. Maybe he’s an OCD car thief. After painting the outside it was eating him that the interior didn’t match. My thing is, what if it’s one of these situations where he’s a prodigy who just wants to paint, but not be seen? Kind of like Good Will Hunting with the math equations or Edward Scissorhands with the shrubs. He just rolls up to a car, puts his smock on, gets his canvas, grabs his paints, and sings his beautiful song through his brush. We can’t rule out the possibility he simply wanted to love the car, not do it harm.
This dude might have had every intention of bringing it back, just with a paint job. Let’s face it though, guy could just be an old fashioned psycho. It’s the painting the hat thing I can’t let go of. You’re just going to drive around in a stolen car with the owners hat in the back like a fucking weirdo? He might be the kind of guy who has a My Little Pony collection and once beat a man to death with one of those disco era roller skates, who knows? It’s cases like this that always haunt a detective to the end. That one case he never closed. I could see a detective losing his shit like Pitt at the end of Seven. Tony seemed traumatized by this experience asking “How can anybody do this? ‘Make it their own’ so quickly?” Who knows Tony? He could be like when a distraught mother who lost a child kidnaps someones kid and raises them. Happens in the animal kingdom. It’s just a band-aid to ease the pain man.