This Romanian Soccer Team Owner Makes Donald Sterling Look Like A Civil Rights Activist

By now, everyone has heard about Donald Sterling and the audio recordings that allegedly feature him making racist remarks to his girlfriend, for among other things, taking photos with Magic Johnson. We still don’t know the full story but it’s pretty clear Donald Sterling will be run out of town as the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers. The fact that Sterling would make such remarks in a league that is 80% Black is crazy, but what if there’s someone crazier?

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet George “Gigi” Becali, hands down the craziest and most bigoted son of a bitch to ever own a professional sports team. He’s got millions of dollars and is two scoops short of a Sundae. You think Sterling is a maniac? Becali has artwork in his home depicting himself as Jesus Christ. Ask casinos how crazy Mr. Becali is. “Oh, Blackjack isn’t going my way? I’ll just throw a bunch of chairs through fucking windows until I get subdued.” He’s been arrested for fixing games; he even kidnapped 3 people because he “suspected” they tried to steal his car.

He rolls around with a squad of bodyguards that literally beat the shit out of anyone he points at. His boys roughed up a female reporter, not to mention they helped him beat down a TV host. The TV host they beat up also happens to be of African descent, so Becali called him a “monkey” just to put a cherry on top. Some other reporter who didn’t get the memo had written a critical piece on Becali, no big deal, he just walks into a restaurant and curses the guy out…then spits on him….then dumps a glass of wine on him. How about owners of other Soccer teams? Why let them off the hook? Becali referred to a local Jewish businessman and rival team owner as a “Kike”. Women? Yeah he’s not very big on feminism. He feels a woman “Has no more value” after giving birth to a child. He told a female candidate for parliament to become a prostitute. An LGBT organization gave him a sarcastic honorary award for being the most homophobic personality in Romania. He certainly earned it. He banned songs by Queen from being played at the stadium and once said, “I love gays, but I’d never employ one. Put one in a team and you’d never win again.” How about Muslims? Well, he fired a Turkish coach “for being too Muslim”.

Move over Donald Sterling, Gigi got this.

A.L.

Gigi background:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gigi_Becali

Washington Post piece:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2014/04/28/the-most-offensive-owner-in-world-sports-is-sadly-not-donald-sterling/?tid=sm_fb

 

GAME OF THRONES SUMMED UP IN PAINT….PART II

 

A.L.

Also check out: https://fusinbello.wordpress.com/2014/04/17/america-is-secretly-obsessed-with-feet-and-its-terrifying/

 

 

George…Dont Do It Bro!

 Nothing worse after a night out than waking up to bad news. It adds insult to injury when it’s bad news related to someone you greatly respect. The rumors are true gentlemen, our lord and savior George Timothy Clooney is in fact engaged.

As I type these words I find myself experiencing a whole range of emotions. Anger. Confusion. Jealousy. George Clooney has been my hero for almost 20 years and to see him go out like this is heart wrenching. He epitomizes the dream. What dream? The male dream. His life is as close as you can come to being James Bond without actually being James Bond. For two decades we’ve watched this guy show no mercy on his campaign to destroy the game at every turn. When you have a bad day, maybe you go to a bar or cry in the privacy of your own home. You know what Clooney does? He walks outside to get drunk with his neighbor Cindy Crawford or plays “Words With Friends” with President Obama. If he’s really bored he just calls his boy Brad Pitt and has him tell Angelina to call up some freaks for him. Every day he’s photographed riding a scooter down some European side street drunk off $2000 wine with a 20-year-old model on the back. Throws huge parties at his modest $20 million villa in Lake Como Italy.

George can just point at any woman he wants and make it so. Period. This cannot be disputed. He’s the modern day Sean Connery and was well on his way to being the dude who will still have women chasing him into his 80’s. NOW HE’S THROWING IT AWAY! For years he took pleasure in mocking married people and those who pushed him to give up his lifestyle. Now he’s engaged to some 35-year-old British Humanitarian lawyer. Look, I’m all for human rights and her field is a noble one, but are you fucking nuts? After building such an extensive resume of models and nonstop balling you’re going to end it with this? If this was how it was going to end, you should have just locked down Stacey Kiebler and called it a career. It’s a tragedy we see all too often, wasting a gift. He does not grasp what he has and therefore has the luxury to throw it all away while the rest of us live in this cold hard world. Everyone talks about Leo and I get it. A supermodel cannot enter the United States of America without paying the DiCaprio toll. It’s that simple. If you’re an aspiring supermodel, the only path to America is the one through Leonardo DiCaprio. That said, George still reigns supreme. Clooney is operating on a much higher level than Leo simply due to the fact he has an almost identical lifestyle at a much later stage in life. Leo is sitting at the Oscars knowing he’s going to get robbed again while Clooney is cool as a cucumber because he got that Oscar out of the way and just needs to know if the girls are waiting in the pool.

When Batman And Robin came out, everyone knew it was a piece of shit and was made because Warner Bros needed a tax write off, but I defended you George. I stood up for you in the face of great adversity. I blamed it all on Chris O’Donnell’s Robin performance. I can’t defend this though. Today, every man mourns the end of an era…the dream is dead.

A.L.

Engagement story:

http://pagesix.com/2014/04/26/eternal-bachelor-george-clooney-is-engaged/?_ga=1.1622641.1323602318.1378521500

Ladies of Clooney:

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/women-george-clooney-gallery-1.1770841

Also check out: https://fusinbello.wordpress.com/2014/04/25/the-most-mysterious-car-thief-in-the-world/

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Most Mysterious Car Thief In The World

“Man disappointed to find thief did bizarre paint job to his car, even more disappointed to learn it also burst into flames”

I present to you the Shutter Island of car theft. You think you have one question answered, but then you realize that answer raises more questions. This guy Tony Kopler goes to work on Easter Sunday at a bar, an hour later his 1992 Buick has vanished. From here, things take a turn down Bat Shit Avenue. Three days go by, dude accepts his car is gone forever and then he gets a call. The car has been found…after a woman spotted it outside her job…engulfed in flames.  That’s not the crazy part.

Tony goes down to check things out with the police. The Buick which had been Silver had been painted White. Completely White. The inside of the car had been painted White. Tony’s Baseball cap that was in the car had also been painted White. The woman said she saw the man (thought to be the thief) frantically saving things from the car, but he ran off when he heard sirens coming.

To start, Tony is probably pissed because deep down he knows even if they catch the guy he’ll just plead insanity and get off. Won’t be hard for him to prove, he stole a 1992 Buick, he’s fucking nuts. If he just painted the outside you could say he did it to conceal his crime, but he painted the interior too. Whoever he is, it’s clear the whole world is his canvas and he intends to paint the shit out of it. If I was a criminal profiler, I’d just walk away from this one. Possibilities are endless. Maybe he has Wet Bandits complex, they leave the sinks running, he paints the cars completely White. Maybe he’s an OCD car thief. After painting the outside it was eating him that the interior didn’t match. My thing is, what if it’s one of these situations where he’s  a prodigy who just wants to paint, but not be seen? Kind of like Good Will Hunting with the math equations or Edward Scissorhands with the shrubs. He just rolls up to a car, puts his smock on, gets his canvas, grabs his paints, and sings his beautiful song through his brush. We can’t rule out the possibility he simply wanted to love the car, not do it harm.

This dude might have had every intention of bringing it back, just with a paint job. Let’s face it though, guy could just be an old fashioned psycho. It’s the painting the hat thing I can’t let go of. You’re just going to drive around in a stolen car with the owners hat in the back like a fucking weirdo? He might be the kind of guy who has a My Little Pony collection and once beat a man to death with one of those disco era roller skates, who knows? It’s cases like this that always haunt a detective to the end. That one case he never closed. I could see a detective losing his shit like Pitt at the end of Seven. Tony seemed traumatized by this experience asking “How can anybody do this? ‘Make it their own’ so quickly?” Who knows Tony?  He could be like when a distraught mother who lost a child kidnaps someones kid and raises them. Happens in the animal kingdom. It’s just a band-aid to ease the pain man.

Original Story:

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/oddnews/man-disappointed-to-find-thief-did-bizarre-paint-job-to-his-car–even-more-disappointed-to-learn-it-also-burst-into-flames-181439553.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is The Lamp At Starbucks Spying On You? Check Twitter

Since the Snowden leaks surveillance has been a hot topic in America. Unfortunately, like most other major issues, Americans didn’t become alarmed until it was too late. In 2001, Americans dismissed those who warned of the potential for the Patriot Act to lead to widespread government abuse were called paranoid and “unpatriotic”. That was back in the “United We Stand” and “Freedom Fries” days of the early 2000’s. As the paranoia eased, Americans took a look around and saw a bottomless pit of defenses spending, an increasingly militarized police force where cops resemble soldiers on a battlefield, and all sorts of new agencies like Homeland Security and the TSA. It was only then that some people started to wake up and say, “Maybe this isn’t all such a great thing”.

The debate about surveillance started years before the Snowden leaks, really heating up post-Patriot Act. We knew there were warrant-less searches going on, we knew from some NY Times leaks that cell phones and electronics were fair game as well. Wikileaks also put a spotlight on government abuse. Just like every other time, there were still many Americans simply unaware of what was going on until it was already normalized and unfortunately part of everyday life. Look, I don’t blame them, there were more important things happening. The Kardashians were driving around Miami in a Range Rover, Lindsay Lohan was completing her transformation into a 45-Year-old version of herself, and Brittany Spears was finishing up her “Desperate Cry For Help Tour” by running around Los Angeles bald at 1am. Then Snowden came along last year and blew shit wide open. The people could no longer ignore it nor by Congress, especially since it’s now obvious even their privacy is fleeting.

It takes a unique kind of asshole to stop in front of a raging inferno and say “You know what that fire needs? Some more gas.” Enter Kyle McDonald and Brian House. Each of them are adjunct professors, one at NYU and the other at Rhode Island School Of Design…. oh…. and according to them, also “artists”. For less than $100 they built a device that fits into lamps, streetlights, table lamps, and can ease drop on conversations. Did I mention the conversations are live tweeted by a twitter account  @conversnitch? According to McDonald “This is stuff you can buy and have running in a few hours”. Great! According to them, “Information moves between spaces that might be physical or virtual, free or proprietary, illegal or playful, spoken or transcribed”. Anything goes when it comes to the device. From reading two pieces on this story, something really bugs me. These guys try to play the concerned citizen card, saying how they did this to stir the pot and get people talking. The whole notion that they did this to give us an idea of the scope and capabilities of NSA spying is complete nonsense. I call bullshit and here’s why:

– NSA spying and the erosion of civil liberties in this country have been front page news for months if not an entire year. Members of congress are up in arms that they themselves were subjected to spying, which I find hilarious.

-If they wanted to make a point they could simply discuss the potential for a device to be built and give speeches or a TED Talk about the dangers.

They released the blueprints for the device to a software development site called GitHub. You know, the same device that’s cheap, can spy on everyone, THAT one. They say it’s completely public and everyone is free to use it for what they wish. Just what society needs, more surveillance and widespread paranoia. Build some new toy, set it loose on society and who cares what happens because “We’re tech assholes and we’re cool”. You’re not cool. You’re not national heroes. Seeing if Americans will flip out from fear and begin spying on each other in everyday situations isn’t a game. Who knows what this will be used for by private citizens. Picture the most irresponsible, creepy, mean spirited person you know. Now imagine that person with one of these devices. Aren’t there enough invasions of privacy to worry about? If I want to live in North Korea I’ll fucking move there.

 

A.L.

More on story:

http://www.myfoxny.com/story/25320323/s-device-live-tweets-private-

http://www.wired.com/2014/04/coversnitch-eavesdropping-lightbulb/

 

Take It Easy On Poor People Playing Lotto

I‘d be a liar if I said I didn’t have a lottery fantasy. Well, I have several. I’ve always been fascinated by Australia, dying to go. Love everything about it, great people. Most importantly, their national export is drop dead gorgeous women who usually love sports. Enter…Margot Robbie. You know her from Wolf Of Wall Street fame, I just know her from every dream I’ve ever had. If I was loaded, no more concerns about money, I’d simply spend my free time trying to get Margot Robbie to fall madly in love with me. It’s all about the two-point plan that kicks in after the money. The first point is obviously Margot, but the second is to acquire three domesticated Kangaroos. Not talking about some wild roo’s from the outback with no social skills who destroy your fucking house the minute you leave them unattended. I’m talking about fully trained and proper roos. These roos show up, they tip the valet, dinnertime it’s napkin on the lap, know the salad fork is for salad, I’m talking distinguished.  They don’t send you NSFW emails without a heads up. They organize shit, keep an eye on Margot, obviously trained how to drive because I’ll have spent $5million to have them taught. If she’s in the bath and forgot bath beads, one of the roos just hops upstairs and gets the “Bath And Body Works” operating. It’s two birds with one stone really. The kangaroos will be emotionally available and always make sure she isn’t stressed and I get to enjoy the general excitement that comes from living with Three Kangaroos. There’s a security element in play too.  They box, they kick, and they’re elusive as shit. People are a whole lot more polite when they know you have three marsupials who are ready to dance at a moments notice if they get the call. These things will just show up, throw combinations at you all day and when they’re done toying with you put Size 23 Kangaroo feet through your fucking head. See you at the crossroads.

It’s happened a million times when you’re walking to work… or running to a convenience store at like 2am for horrible unspeakable reasons. You see people who are playing scratch off tickets or lotto that clearly have no business doing so. Well, that’s what the old me would think at least. The old me would see a man, THAT man, with the 3 packs of Marlboro Reds and the “One Tequila Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor” t-shirt, scratching off like 40 tickets and just shake my head in pity. Got the shit all over his hands while his two kids are barefoot in gas station asking daddy why they can’t get candy. He never answers, but we know why they can’t get candy. Every choice daddy made up until that very moment is the reason they can’t get candy and likely never will. However, recent events have made me reconsider my rush to judgment.

Out a few nights ago I saw a homeless guy near Madison Square Garden scratching off some tickets. Like clockwork I hear two people joking how he “should be buying food with that money”. I guess the guy heard them and simply shouted back “I’m just trying to get paid!” He was obliterated, but it made me think. Are lotto tickets and scratch offs just stocks for poor people? I mean, whether you buy a stock or a scratch off, the objective is the same, to get rich. Nobody buys a stock to make 1%, nor does anyone buy a lotto ticket to win $10 bucks. I’d rather lose outright than win $10. Say you it hit big, stocks or lotto, IRS is coming and the government is going to leave you walking funny after they take their cut. Is it really fair to knock a guy who’s already more or less crapped out in life for speculating on a better future? If I was living in the street, being judged all day by groups of yuppies wearing the same Patagonia vest, with no money, no access to proper hygiene…. aside from just not waking up ever again I would want to have a shot at winning a million dollars. Zero sum at that point; fuck getting a hot dog to help me survive another day. I see no wrong in a homeless person or anyone who isn’t rich buying as many lotto tickets as they want. Mega Jackpot tickets are speculative “Growth” stocks. Average scratch off ticket is more of a “Conservative Income” play, usually every few gets you $5-10 bucks. Now when I see a homeless guy with lotto tickets I just ask him “How the markets treating you today?”

A.L.

You’ll Never View A Dollar Bill The Same Way Again

I derive no pleasure from this, but I’m about to ruin your day and possibly your entire life. I just want to preface this piece with the fact I’m not a Germaphobe. I don’t support the widespread excessive use of antibiotics and I think every kid should play with bugs. I’m the guy who says kids should play outside more, as opposed to the current antisocial school shooter breeding lifestyle these little weirdos currently practice. You should always be proactive in boosting your immune system whether it’s by taking a Royal Caribbean cruise every year or licking the floor of Penn Station….or the “Tube” for my Brit fans.

All that said, a recent NYU study about money has scared the ever living shit out of me, to the point I’d rather be a Saudi Prince so I could just have some peasant handle money for me. If I were Batman, I’d let Robin empty the piggy bank. Puffy might want to consider having Fonsworth Bentley handle all cash transactions. 

What do strippers, coke heads, people with Acne, those with piss poor immune systems, and a high tolerance for antibiotics have in common? The U.S. Dollar bill may be their worst enemy. New York University’s’ Dirty Money Project basically analyzed tons of currency, a massive analysis of bills, and what they discovered is just disgusting. So while it turns out money doesn’t grow on trees, microbes and germs DO. Reading the Wall St. Journal piece on this made my skin crawl. Just keeping cash in your wallet or pocket serves as an incubator for the bacteria that exists on the bill. All it takes is the temperature of your own body to supply the bacteria what it needs to grow and live. Real comforting to know your wallet is a bio lab. On bills collected in NY they found 3000  types of bacteria. We’re not talking your basic bacteria here, obviously bacteria is a fact of life, but we’re talking about bacteria that causes gastric ulcers, pneumonia, food poising, and staph infections. The most common one according to the study was one that carries the gene for Acne.  The very act of touching the money contributes to the growth because bacteria feeds on the oils of our fingers. We are actually feeding the microbes and bacteria that then mix with those of all the others that have touched the bills. They found viruses, Dog DNA, Horse DNA, small traces of anthrax, and even super small traces of White Rhino DNA. Yes, White Rhino DNA. Don’t ask me I just write this stuff.

I‘m just an ordinary guy and I’m having nightmares about Dustin Hoffman and the Outbreak monkey, but think about strippers. If you’re a stripper, regardless if it’s a high class  establishment or one of the other ones we all pretend don’t exist, you’re already dealing with grimy elements as a career hazard. Now consider that you’re letting some dude who just came out of the bathroom to put a dollar bill covered in all sorts of scientific horror down your bikini. You KNOW those hands already have a 70/30 shot of being horrendous. There has got to be a better way to pay for college than starring in a potential Michael Crichton novel every time you go to work. Now, I’ve never been a drug guy, never done cocaine or had the desire, but I’ll tell you what, if I’m a coke fiend I’m shitting my pants right now. You’re going to roll up a bill covered in shit germs, piss germs, “other” DNA, staph infection microbes, etc etc and shove it up your nose? Not to mention what your snorting isn’t exactly a gift from the Earth.

I‘ve linked the original article below for those of you who haven’t already committed suicide. Again, I apologize if it’s not comforting that we’re putting bills covered in human/animal filth down our underwear, up our nose, in our mouth, and touching our face after handling, but I had no choice. On a scale of 1-10, one being “No big deal” and 10 being “Complete Fucking Nightmare Fuel”….I’m going to call this study a solid 83.

A.L.

Wall St. Journal piece:

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702303456104579489510784385696

Also check out:

http://wp.me/p4xEOu-4L

 

 

Just In Case There’s A Single Person On This Earth Who Hasn’t Seen “Bane Cat”

Bane Cat is an instant Youtube  Masterpiece. No debate. No questions asked.

 

 

Also check out:

https://fusinbello.wordpress.com/2014/04/17/america-is-secretly-obsessed-with-feet-and-its-terrifying/

Malaysian Airlines Flight 192 Makes Mid Air Turn In Middle Of Night. No Seriously

Every so often you come across a story so ridiculous that you check 800 times to make sure it’s not an Onion article. My rule of thumb before having any emotional response to an article is to “Onion Check It”. Well, I Onion checked it and this is real.

Malaysian Airlines Flight 192 was heading to Bangalore after departing Kuala Lumpur International Airport at 10:06pm. Call me crazy, but if you’re on a Malaysian Airlines flight…at night…leaving from Kuala Lumpur (MH 370’s starting point), the LAST thing you need is for the plane to do a mid air turn and change direction. You need that like a fucking hole in your head. To make it worse, according to Malaysian Airlines spokespeople, after the deviation the plane made the announcement that they were in a holding pattern….over the Straits Of Malacca. Being on a Malaysian Airlines flight at night is bad enough after recent events, but of all the holding pattern locations you can fly over, the Straits Of Malacca is at the bottom of the list. “Look out the window honey! Isn’t this great? While we’re in an unscheduled holding pattern over the Straits Of Malacca we can see the search teams…looking for that other Malaysian Airlines flight.”

Can you imagine what was going through these passengers’ heads? If I’m on that flight, it’s over for me. I can envision some poor guy who works for an IT firm just trying to fly home and then his flight turns around over the ocean. How can he relax?  He knows the airline he’s on. Any other airline, maybe this isn’t a big deal. When you’re on a Malaysian Airlines flight over the ocean, a change in course will turn an Atheist into a believer real quick. All the sudden this guys life is in question, starts thinking about all sorts of shit like “Why the fuck didn’t I get a better lawyer than my bitch ex wife whose brother in law is the second coming of Johnnie Cochran? Maybe I’d have had some extra cash to fly a better airline.” Let’s be honest, we’ve all encountered bad turbulence and for that brief moment you think it’s over you start thinking about all kinds of different things. When I think my plane is going down I always think about all the different people who deserve to be on the plane instead of me (old guidance counselors, teachers, bosses, accountants, strippers). This guy is just like “Are they going to find my body before I’m unrecognizable?” What about “pings”, radar data footage, cable news?  “Now my family is going to be subjected to nonstop CNN speculation about where we crashed and my daughter has to listen to some asshole in a flight simulator rehashing every single possible scenario about what happened.” As far as you’re concerned, one of your last thoughts is going to be “Family isn’t big on text messages, hope Malaysian Airlines reps call this time”.  At that point you’re just waiting for the pilot to come on at any moment and say “All right goodnight.”

The Malaysians have a real twisted way of doing things. Having a Malaysian Airlines flight do a 180 over the exact path the other one crashed is pretty cruel; I don’t care how big an emergency it is. It’s like a sick prank. The only thing more fucked up than this is  someone throwing an empty backpack into a crowd during rush hour and screaming out  “Allah” the day after 9/11.

As for MH370, just ask the aliens very politely if we can have the plane back.

 

A.L.

Original Link:

http://www.nst.com.my/latest/font-color-red-mh192-font-bangalore-bound-flight-made-an-air-turn-back-1.574295

Also check out F.I.B look into Americas foot fetish epidemic:

https://fusinbello.wordpress.com/2014/04/17/america-is-secretly-obsessed-with-feet-and-its-terrifying/

 

Game Of Thrones Summed Up In Paint